Ready for Growth? How to Let go of Past Traumas

My work life has been incredible since I started my freelancing career almost two years ago, but my personal life didn’t get the “growth” memo. So, here I am, writing on medium — hoping to find my healing through words.

Pexels

Sometimes, it feels like there’s a brick wall between us and our personal growth. This brick wall is a sum of the negative experiences we’ve had in our lives — stacked into one gigantic thick wall. Those who understand pain, disappointment, and hurt know that this brick wall can feel almost impossible to scale.

Still, we desire happiness. We dream of what it would feel like on the other side of the wall. Will it be sunnier? Prettier? The truth is, I don’t know as I’m yet to climb that wall myself.

But I do know we need to overcome our past traumas to be truly happy. And this will require a lot of self-work. Taking the first step will be the hardest, but once you begin to heal from your pain, you will find it easier than you thought possible.

Acknowledge and value yourself.

Take a moment to appreciate all that you have done, where you are now, and what you can achieve in the future. Take control of your life. Focus on your strengths, goals, and achievements. Think about how they could contribute to growth in other areas of your life, like health or family relationships. You may also want to consider taking some time out for fun activities that bring joy into your world, like cooking up a delicious meal for friends or taking part in an activity that makes you smile. Taking some alone time is also valuing yourself!

Find joy in yourself.

While you’re doing this, make sure to find joy in yourself.

• Find joy in your own company.
• Find joy in your own achievements.
• Find joy in your own talents and skills.
• Find joy in your own body and mind.
• Find joy in your own heart.

This may sound strange or even impossible at first, but by allowing yourself to experience these emotions, you will be able to heal from past traumas and move forward with confidence.

Take care of your needs.

You are the only person who can determine what you need. You might not know it yet, but there is a place for you in this world. It’s within your power to discover that place and do something about it.

To know your needs, ask yourself: “What is important to me?” Is it freedom? Family? Or community? Once you’ve answered this question for yourself, start asking those around you: “How can we meet each other’s needs?” You’ll soon find out where the disconnects are — and how best to repair them while still being true to yourself.

Get clear on values and beliefs.

What makes life worth living (or not) should never change (no matter how bad things get). Understand yourself. Your beliefs. Your morals, and stay true to them. Not everyone shares the same values as you do. Don’t compromise yours for someone else, not even a partner. Compromising your values will only lead to contempt in the long run.

Our beliefs and values are an essential part of our individual identity. When push comes to shove, our behaviors must match up with these things, both inside ourselves and in our relationships with others.

Learn how to speak up for yourself.

Most people think they speak up for themselves, but they don’t even know when they are being taken for granted.

The first key is to;

• Learn how to recognize when you are being mistreated.
• Know your worth and stand up for it.
• Learn how to say no and yes, ask for what you want, set boundaries, and be assertive about them.
• Learn not to take things personally but instead understand that others have their own issues that may lead them to act in ways that don’t match how we think they should act.
• Ask for help when needed and learn how to accept it and give it back when someone else needs it from you!
• Feel and express your emotions rather than hold them in, as this will only cause more pain later on down the road (trust me).

Also, know what forgiveness really means so that if someone wrongs us or commits an offense against us, then instead of holding onto resentment or anger towards them, we can forgive them without any conditions attached (this one is really hard at first, but after some practice becomes easier over time). Once forgiveness has been given, let go completely so there aren’t any negative feelings left behind, which would otherwise prevent future growth and healing.

Be better for others by being better for yourself.

You are worth the time and effort. You are worthy of respect, love, support, help, and the fight. But first and foremost, you must be better for yourself before you can be better for others.

Be better for yourself by:

• Not shaming your body or mind
• Take care of yourself with self-care rituals like meditation, exercise, and eating well
• Letting go of expectations from others on how you should be or what you should do and instead focus on being your highest version of yourself

You deserve to be happy, healthy, and treated with respect.

You deserve to be happy and healthy. You deserve to be treated with respect. You don’t have to do anything special or earn it — you just are worthy of it.

You can never go wrong treating someone else like they matter, so be nice! If you want others to treat you with love and respect, give them a chance first. It’s amazing how far that goes. I am a firm believer in giving people the benefit of the doubt sometimes, even when they’ve done something terrible before. That’s because there’s good inside some people (even if their actions don’t show it); however, if someone shows you repeatedly that they have ill intentions towards you, whether through their words or actions. It’s best to cut them off. Your mental health is worth it.

Conclusion

Take these lessons to heart and use them as a reminder that you are worthy of love. But it all starts with self-love and self-respect. When you learn how to heal from past traumas, you can start building a better future for yourself. And when you do this, not only will your life be better, but the lives of those around you will improve too. When your joy is shared with others around you, it makes the world better. And isn’t that what we all want? To make our lives better while making the world around us more beautiful.